One of my favourite things in this world to do is laugh. I’m talking, eyes watering, belly shaking, can’t control yourself kind of laugh. Sounds kind of obvious right? I mean, laughing means you’re having a good time so really, who wouldn’t want that? But think about it for a minute, when is the last time that you’ve had one of those laughs??? We are all good for a little chuckle, maybe a forced haha but seriously, when is the last time you really laughed hard??
Every week I write my blogs in hopes to be inspiring, thought provoking, and with a little bit of luck, maybe even life altering, but to be honest, my life isn’t really all that serious. Sure there are serious moments, but at the end of the day, I’m all about a good time!
Now I’m not oblivious to the idea that there are responsibilities to be had, bills to pay, work to attend, I get all that. I also get that when those things don’t seem to be vibe-ing in a way that feels like much fun I can appreciate that it can be difficult to find joy through the stresses of life, but I’ll let you in on a little secret…. Money follows joy, so feeling sorry for yourself and stressing about bills ain’t gonna make your ship come in any faster
I have always been a pretty laid back person, on the surface that is. Meaning that I was really good at letting loose and portraying the image that I was fairly carefree and easy going. The fact of the matter was, I was a worrier. I worried about everything. I worried about paying bills, I worried about what my next step in life would be, I stressed about useless nonsense because I had to do whatever it was that I had to do to get to where I needed to go. Not a bad mentality, until you literally start sucking the fun out of every singe experience because you’re way too wrapped up in the future that you cant control
I’m not exactly sure what age I was when I started caring about what other people thought of me, but I know it was pretty young. I have always been a natural silly-heart, and growing up I was a bit of a class clown and would do anything for a laugh, but as I got older, something changed. I started worrying about saying the wrong thing, about looking foolish or being “too much” and I felt like I needed to tone myself down.
The funny thing about this is that most people would probably not even realized that something in me changed, at the surface I was still the same old silly heart Jenn, but inside, I was a lot more serious, I thought way too much about what I said or how I said it and was constantly in my head analyzing every move I made. Was I too much? Not enough? Did I sound stupid? It was as if I was afraid to be myself, like I judged myself so much that I assumed everyone else did too. I believe that this struggle was a huge part of my depression, for so many years I was stifling who I was because I was afraid to be “too me”.
Existing from this space can only last so long, I mean, you can only fight against who you are for so long until everything within you resists and creates what I call a spiritual temper tantrum. Which for me, showed up as anxiety, depression, fear, and a solid dose of self loathing.
How’s that for fun?
Thankfully I was able to pull my head out of my own ass long enough to realize I couldn’t keep existing the way that I was. It took many courses, healings, and clearings to get to a place where I could finally be ok with being authentically me, it wasn’t easy, but I did get there.
Throughout the many courses, teachings and spiritual healings I’ve come across, one of the most profound things I have come to realize is that , if you’re not having fun, then what the hell is the point??
Seriously, whats the freaking point.
I have held myself back from singing, dancing, joking, standing out and laughing hard because I had convinced myself it was not the time, or the place, or even worse yet, that I was not that girl. All lies I told myself to just blend in and not stand out too much.
Spoiler alert, I don’t like blending in, and standing out is kind of my second language. No wonder I was so miserable!
Last week I was having a random conversation with one of my girlfriends about how her physio was going. She had hurt her shoulder late winter and was still on the mend to get it back to 100%. She said to me “My goal is to get my arm far enough behind my back so I can put my bra on like normal again”
That’s weird I thought, “why don’t you just clip it up front and then spin it around?” Seemed like a legit question to me, I mean, why make life more difficult for yourself.
“Like the grandma way?” She asked.
“Ummmm…. Grandma way, what do you mean grandma way?”
(Stick with me here, I do have a point to this story I promise!)
This silly commentary back and forth ended up opening an entire conversation of what the “normal” way was to put on your bra and clearly her and I were not on the same page! So I did what any weirdo would do in my situation, I decided to ask around and see. I had to know if I had been putting my bra on “grandma style” this whole time?
I randomly text 6 girlfriends to get their opinions and it came back as a tie. All of them were confused with my out in left field question that I really didn’t give any back story to. I mean, what’s so weird about getting a text at 8am asking if you were a clip and spinner or a behind the backer? As I brought them up to speed on the conversation that happened prior to them receiving this random text we were all giggling like crazy as we explained our morning underwear routine to each other. Still laughing from the in depth answers I was getting one of my girls suggested I start a Facebook poll to gather more info. I’m pretty sure she was just joking, but I was having so much fun with this ridiculous topic that I thought it would be fun to put it out to the public and leave it to the masses to decide.
You guys, my facebook has never gotten as much attention as it did that day. Seriously, within 2 minutes I had 5 comments of people putting in their votes along with their confusion to how the other way seemed silly and unnecessary. My phone was literally blowing up with notifications and with each and every comment I read I was dying laughing. It was hilarious how many women came together to join in on the fun. I was even getting private texts from people saying they had been following the thread all day and that they started asking around their work place to send in more votes. It was absolutely ridiculous, but we were all having so much fun. I can’t even tell you the last time I laughed that hard while being in solely my own company, I must have been a sight to see!!
So why am I still talking about this mockery a week later?? I mean, other then the fact that I wanted one more platform to publish that the clip and spin is the way to go?? Because as much as people were responding and playing along I can guarantee you there were also people scrolling through their feed and rolling their eyes at the immaturity and stupidity of my post. And I’m ok with that!
Trust me, there was a part of me who hesitated posting because of the silliness of it all, there was a part of me that wondered what people would think of me, if I would lose credibility as a professional or if clients would take me less seriously because I was being so immature, but guess what, thats not the part of me I choose to honour anymore. Sure that part of me still exists, but I try really hard to not pay too much attention to her because to be quite honest, that part of me isn’t any fun.
Laughing, smiling, giggling and being silly are the fastest and easiest ways to raise your vibration and although there is a time and place for seriousness, it’s not where we are meant to live. I do what I do because I believe the whole purpose of life is to have fun. I write about heartbreak, perspective, shame, and doubt because I know that it exists, I know that it’s heavy and that the struggle is real, but all those experiences, those times of heartache and disappointment are only supposed to pass through to help us grow, we aren’t meant to settle in and get comfy there.
There is a time for us to experience those emotions, and they serve us in their own way, but if we don’t allow ourselves to have a little fun amidst the chaos how do you think we will ever heal and evolve from them?
Music is one of those things for me that help me overcome a bad mood. I love to sing and I also love dancing, and I’ll be completely honest, I’m not even a little bit good at either, but do you think that stops me??? Hell no sister! I actually had someone at the restaurant refer to me as a white Beyonce once as I walked past him singing. Now, I’m 99% sure it was sarcasm, but I chose to take it as a compliment anyway because at the end of the day, I’m not singing for him, I’m singing for me! And for the record, when it comes to dancing, if I’m at a wedding or any type of party where the DJ is pumping my favourite jams, I guarantee you I will be the first one out on that dance floor busting a move like Elaine Benes in that infamous Seinfeld episode. And if people want to judge me while they stand on the sidelines sipping their vodka OJ wondering how I can just embarrass myself like that in front of all these people, I say let them, I’m having way too much fun to care!
My point is, whatever it is thats fun for you, do it and don’t think twice. People will judge you anyway, I mean I’m pretty sure that’s inevitable whether you’re choosing to have fun or not, so be too busy laughing and having a good time to even care.
Life is meant to be fun, not just endured. Let loose, unwind, and allow your inner silly-heart to shine. Play, laugh, sing, dance, or do whatever it is that makes your soul happy, it doesn’t matter how it looks, or what your definition of fun is, just be so busy living your best life that your inner critic and the critics around you get drowned out by your own laughter.