Well, I did it again…… Remember that time I told you I quit my “sturdy, responsible big girl job” to become a bartender??? Remember how I told you everyone thought I was nuts and slightly irresponsible?? Remember how I told you that taking that leap was scary as hell but I just somehow “knew” deep in my soul that it was the right decision???
Well….. I did it again, under slightly different circumstances, but I did it. I took the leap.
Incase this is my first blog you’ve ever read, let me fill you in on the back story and bring you up to speed.
One of my last blog posts that I wrote was titled “2020, the year of fear or faith”, when I wrote this, it was January and I had no idea we were about to face a global pandemic, but looking back, the title seems more than appropriate.
I had actually written about my husband and I selling the restaurant that we built almost 9 years ago, about my kids growing up and both going through new stages that required me to trust and let go a little, I also wrote about how important it is to have faith during times of fear and trust that everything will work out for the best. And so, sometimes forgetting to take my own advice, I was put to the test!
When we sold the restaurant back in December it was understood that I was going to stay on as an employee, still serving tables, still managing the front of house. It made sense, I know that place inside and out and I have always really loved my job, so why would I wreck a good thing?? Well, as the universe would have it, it had different plans for me, and I’ll be honest, I still don’t know what they are!
About 3 or so weeks ago I was struggling with work. You know those days where you’re just not having it? Like everyone and everything is pissing you off and you can feel like you want to tear the face off the next person that says something remotely stupid?? Yah, one of those days. It sucked, I was so frustrated and irritated and no matter what tools I pulled out of my tool belt I just couldn’t shake it.
The worst part? My “one of those days” turned into another, and then another until it became “one of those weeks”
Ugh. So gross.
I got myself to the weekend and enjoyed a luxurious 2 days off at the lake. Drinks on the deck, floating in the water, laughing and loving with my family. Just what I needed.
But then, for the first time in 12 years, my weekend ended and I was dreading going back to reality.
I get that to some people, that’s just how life is, 2 days of bliss and then 5 days of shit than 2 days of bliss again and the cycle continues. If you know me at all, that’s not how I roll. Working for the weekend is what got me out of my “Big Girl” job in the first place and I swore I would never do it again. But there I was, settling, convincing myself that next week would be better.
This time though, when my weekend finally approached, I woke up and I was sick. Nausea, upset stomach, exhaustion, and no motivation to do anything. After convincing myself I didn’t have Covid-19, I just chalked it up to a little stomach bug, spent the day on the couch, I figured a solid day of rest will get me back on my feet in no time.
Except, it didn’t.
And just to paint the picture for you all, I RARELY get sick. I have maybe been sick 1 time in the last 10 years, it just doesn’t happen, and when it does, it’s brief.
So when I woke up the next day still feeling like shit, I was pissed. Not only was I wasting my 2 days off being sick, I was pissed that my body wasn’t strong enough to heal. So, I took my own advice and did what I tell all my clients to do when they’re struggling, I booked myself in for a session… with myself!!
I started off with a simple tapping session “Even though I still feel sick, blah blah blah” and I just started tapping on it…. I’m so stressed out…..tap tap tap…..with work….and Covid….tap tap tap….I hate feeling this way…I’m just so sick of it…..tap tap tap
There it was (I mean, it took a little more then just 4 phrases, but to spare you all the irrelevant details, that’s what it ultimately led to!)
That was my breakthrough moment, “I’m sick of my job”,
Well no wonder I feel like shit!
And that’s the magic of our bodies, they don’t lie. When we ignore our spiritual and emotional nudges the Universe tries to get our attention in ways we can’t ignore as easily, and usually, it shows up as physical illness.
“Ok”, I thought, “I got it, the stress of work is making me sick, so what do I do with that?? It’s not like I have another job to go to”, so, I meditated on it.
I closed my eyes and opened my heart, I asked for direction from my guides, for advice, for something that would lead me to my next path, and, like they so often are, my guides were short, sweet and to the point.
“It’s your move” they told me
And that’s when I knew, “I have to quit my job”.
Coming to this awareness wasn’t easy, everything inside my ego mind wanted to convince me that I was being irresponsible, that I should stay where I am until I have another job lined up, that maybe “It’s not that bad” and I could just suck it up a little while longer.
But my spirit, my spirit was saying it’s time to go.
That’s the struggle with intuition, you don’t always want to follow it. You want to doubt it, bury it, pretend you’re not being guided. Maybe you’re not a weirdo like me and you don’t talk to your guides, that doesn’t mean you’re not being guided by your spirit. Our head and our hearts are in constant conflict, no matter how spiritually evolved or unaware you are, the growth comes from when you are able to ignore every logical part of your head and listen to that tiny whisper of your heart.
To be honest, my job wasn’t awful, I was grateful to have a place to work during the pandemic shut down, but the truth was, my spirit was being squashed, and likely had been for some time before I even began to notice. My mind could have given you 20 reasons why I should stay at my job, “the money is great, my regulars are amazing, my co-workers are the best, I’m naturally good at my job, I don’t have anything lined up just yet, it’s not THAT bad”, I mean the list goes on and on, but the truth is, my heart was no longer happy, and that is something I just won’t ignore anymore.
My brain tried hard though, oh did it try hard to convince me to stay. I actually feel like my ego went in to total panic mode, constantly putting thoughts in my head like “But what if…” or “what about….”, and the one that always gets us, “now what???”
I didn’t have a plan, and trust me when I say, our brains HATE not having a plan, so does my inner control freak by the way, but that’s the part we need to tune out when we take the leap. I didn’t know what quitting my job would create for me, and full disclosure, I still don’t, but what I do know, is that I have an unwaveringly amount of faith that it will show up sooner rather than later and it will be exactly what I need.
How do I know???
Because that’s what happens when you listen to your heart, it’s you, honouring your spirit and following the divine guidance of the Universe, and believe me when I say, the Universe always has your back.
So I just know.
I have learned to trust the whispers of my heart…… sometimes it takes those whispers getting to the yelling stage, but hey, I never said I was perfect!!
Change is scary, and not having a plan is even scarier, but for me, staying exactly where I am knowing full well my spirit is being squashed, thats the scariest thing of all.
I might not have all the answers, but I know when I follow my heart and get out of my head, I’m always lead to greatness, I also know that If we wait for everything in our lives to line up just right before taking the leap, we may never fly.
I’m excited for my next adventure, I’m excited to be able to share with you, first hand, the importance of trusting your knowing, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared, but if there’s one thing I know, it’s that to reach for something greater, you must fist let go of what’s in your hand!