Have you ever just heard a song and as soon as you hear it the lyrics just speak to you?? Like it feels as if the song was written specifically for you at that moment in time?? Or when you hear a song that reminds you of your past it brings you right back to that moment in time when you first identified with it?? That happens to me all the time, music is food for my soul and has always been so therapeutic for me. My choice in music varies depending on my mood, from Norah Jones to Eminem, there is not too much I don’t like.
The other day I was driving in to work, scrolling through my random array of station favourites and I heard one of my old faves by The Script. The song is called “Breakeven” and for those of you who haven’t heard it the chorus goes like this:
“What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you? And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re ok, I’m falling to pieces, I’m falling to pieces”
This song was MY JAM 7 years ago. The entire song felt like my life at that moment, I not only resonated with the lyrics, but I could literally feel the song with every ounce of my being. At the time I was struggling, my husband and I were on the verge of divorce and I was quickly losing hope that anything could help us. Falling to pieces seemed like an understatement, I was dying inside.
When I listened to this song the other day it took me back to that place 7 years ago as it usually does, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself thinking how far I have come. Although I do still like the song, it didn’t have the same feeling behind it, in fact, I was almost a little embarrassed when I started thinking back:
“The best part of me was always you”???
Oh, what a silly girl I was. How unfortunate that I spent so many years thinking that someone else had to complete me, that I somehow wasn’t whole on my own, and then on top of that, that someone else could be the best part of me??? What was I thinking??!!
I am incredibly grateful that I can now say with confidence that the best part of me IS and always has been ME. But this was not my thinking for the past 35 years. Not even a little bit.
The idea of Soulmates and Twin Flames are so glamourized in today’s society. People searching for their “other halves” as if, without them, they are not quite whole. I was one of these people.
For as long as I can remember I had always been searching for that special someone, that one person who would complete me, as if meeting this special someone might actually give me some superhuman power that I could only possess in their presence or something.
I thought that having someone to love and having them love me back was the be all end all of my existence, and without it I was nothing.
Now sure, all of that is really great when you have it, I mean, who doesn’t love to be loved? But when we rely on that love coming from something outside of us and depend on other people’s love for us to fill our soul, it will ultimately wind up in disappointment one way or another.
I know it’s so cliché, but it is so true, We MUST love ourselves first and foremost. It is literally the foundation required to be able to whole heartedly receive love from other people. Let’s face it, we set the bar for what we believe is appropriate gestures of love. The more you love yourself the higher your standards become for what kind of behaviour you’re willing to tolerate as acceptable; in turn, the less you love yourself the more likely you are willing to settle for someone treating you less than lovingly. People can only love you to the extent that you love yourself.
So just to be clear, loving yourself is not about thinking you’re better then anyone or acting conceited or superior; it’s about having your own back and not relying on other people to make you happy. It’s about knowing that you, as you are in this moment, without anyone else, are so uniquely incredible just by being you. It’s knowing you have so much to offer this world and to everyone in it, and that nothing added to you can make you greater, nothing taken away from you could make you less than.
Please know that I’m not saying that breakups aren’t hard, or that loving yourself will mean you will never get hurt by anyone ever again, that’s not what I mean at all, rather, when we can get to a place of loving ourselves, and I mean truly, just loving who you are, flaws and all, then the result of someone hurting you doesn’t seem so devastating. When your happiness does not rely on the approval of others, or stem from their affection, then their disapproval or lack of affection doesn’t impact you the same way, yes it still might hurt, but it’s about knowing that even without it, your joy will still exist because ultimately, it comes from you.
Love yourself. Your happiness depends on it!